See Who Has The Loudest Sex In New York & Read Real Hilarious Noise Complaints


The scene of the “crime.”

The scene of the "crime."


If the building above is a-rockin’, then… Oh, who are we kidding? It’s ALWAYS a-rockin’, so if your friends live there, it’s pretty safe to assume that you shouldn’t knock… unless it’s for some pre-planned kink.

According to DNAinfo, the six-story, 59-unit apartment building in Bay Ridge has garnered more complaints for loud sex than anywhere else in Brooklyn. In fact, Brooklyn itself has received the most 311 grievances of any borough — a total of 42 of the 133 noisy sex complaints in New York from January 2014 to February 2015.

One couple alone who resides in the above dwelling has been responsible for six of the warnings.

To add to the drama, the building is actually located next to a public library. We’re guessing neighbors quietly holding their pointer finger up to their mouths didn’t solve the problem.

The frisky couple in question.

The frisky couple in question.

One of the actual police complaints about the couple reads:

“Neighbors are having very loud sex with the windows open that can be heard throughout the whole bldg. [sic]. I’m not sure what they were doing, but the woman was moaning and screaming, ‘Oh yeah, oh, do it to me… the first time another woman yelled out her window, ‘Shut your f–ing windows you whore!'”

Apparently, graphic descriptions of the sexual encounters are the norm for fed up New Yorkers. Below are some other *real* complaints from different incidents.

One Bedford-Stuyvesant resident wrote:

“My neighbor keeps having out of control sex head borad [sic] banging and yelling making to much noise. I would like for the police to explain to her she need to be a lil more discrete with the noise.”

An anonymous person from the Sunset Park area explained:

“My neighbor is making too much noise, she has a ‘sex machine’ and then she starts screaming ‘Yes, Yes, Yes’ for extended periods of time, they are perverts who constantly bring more individuals to perform more extreme sexual activities.”

One apartment dweller in the Bronx noted in January:

“I can hear a woman screaming during a sexual act with someone, ‘Oh, honey! Oh, honey! I am not sure if there is more than one woman in the neighbor’s house having sex as well.”

Yet another Bedford-Stuyvesant local explained:

“They are having sex and noise is unbearable. This is a chronic issue. I am a very sick senior that needs assistance with this matter.”

However, a Marine Park man said that a 71-year-old senior is the problem:

“I don’t know, maybe it’s the time the [blue] pills kick in. It’s never quick and fast. And it’s mostly her screaming. It gets to the point where you can hear it outside.”

Hey, if it’s mainly “her” screaming, then what that dude really deserves is a high-five. Feel free to share your noisy sex stories below.